how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
