Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
