So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
