do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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