do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
