I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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