Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
