it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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