your parents love me but you hate me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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