"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
