i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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