how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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