So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
