I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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