Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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