Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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