but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
