he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
