I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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