Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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