**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
