How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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