Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
