so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
