come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
