Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
