what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
