You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
