it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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