That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
