it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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