I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
