dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
