It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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