The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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