Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Are we still banned from the library?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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