Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
