"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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