Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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