I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
