Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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