Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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