2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
