I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
