he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
