just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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