Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
