I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
