I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
