We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
