im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
