Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
