I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
